One of my blog readers took the liberty of sending my video on Amy Chua’s book, “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother”, to Amy Chua herself! I never would have done this on my own, but that’s why I put my stuff out there for others to read!
Here’s Amy’s email which was sent to that reader, Denise.
Date: Wed, 2 Mar 2011 08:36:51 -0500
From: Amy Chua
Subject: Re: FW: The Music Within Us
Dear Denise: Thank you SO MUCH for sending this to me — and yep, Lisa totally got my book and yep, she is totally right that no one else has!! (Only correction is that I never choose or even saw and never would have approved the awful WSJ headline..)
I think Lisa is BRILLIANT, and I love what she says and the passages and moments she singles out. She even gets it about my dogs!!!
I am setting up a website for my book, partly because to try to correct misunderstandings, and I will post this video. Please feel free to share all this with Lisa!
Best, Amy
I am not posting this so that you can read something written by a published author calling me “BRILLIANT”. Although that’s nice and all, the reason I am posting this is to encourage you to GET INFORMED before you form judgments and opinions and join in the fun of media-generated controversies. Form your own thoughts and opinions, reflect on your own life, and learn your own lessons. Do not stop at what the journalists and media or others are telling you. Do not believe what others say until you have questioned it with your own body, mind, and heart. Know that you are always free to create your own story.
This time, I knew what the message was going to be, and tumblr.com provides the best format for creating short, frequent posts in a variety of media – video, quotes, text, and my favorite, chats (sharing conversations in a screenplay-like format).
My intention is to create an inspiring, healing community for Asian American women who have tried their whole lives to be “good”, done everything they were supposed to do, achieved success in the forms they were told to, and still find something missing in their lives. Together we will discover all of who we are, and unlock the keys to our own unconditional joy, peace, and freedom….B.A.D.ness and all.Continued…
Are you wondering what Amy Chua’s book, “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother”, is all about?
Me too…so I actually read it.
SPOILER ALERT: I actually talk about parts of the book that are NOT MENTIONED in any of the myriad “book reviews” published in major news outlets, such as the New York Times, San Francisco Chronicle, Wall Street Journal, the BBC, and others. And this video is more than five minutes long. But since so few reviewers have actually demonstrated that they have read the whole book rather than a conveniently spliced excerpt, I felt compelled to record these impressions. This is MY read on the story.
I still feel jealous whenever I see a musician performing onstage. I know, I call myself a “life coach” so I should be more evolved than that. But I’m not. I do know, however, that noticing my feeling of jealousy is a juicy nugget of treasure to show me the thoughts that are keeping me imprisoned. So I start to do the work.
Even now, that I am actually living a life of sharing my music in the world, there is an old, fear-driven part of my brain, which hasn’t quite let go of its hold over my essential self, that is yelling in my ear, “You’ll never make it in this world as a musician! It’s just too hard to make a living! You’ll never be respected! You’ll have to work too hard! It’ll never be worth it!”
Ever notice that the people who say these things are the ones whose lives have actually proven these beliefs to be true? I haven’t found a successful performing artist who has said, “Forget it. It’s too hard. For all the effort I put in, it’s not worth it.” (On the other hand, for some reason, I’ve met plenty of doctors who’ve said this to me.) The reality – the truth – is there are many examples of people whose lives prove these beliefs NOT to be true.
What’s the difference between these two groups of people? Is it talent? Is it luck? Is it genetics? Is it a mystery? Continued…
Have you ever sought someone’s advice, and then realized halfway into the conversation that you really didn’t want them to tell you what to do?
Or have you ever followed someone’s advice, which never quite felt right to you, but they were in a position of authority or had done it themselves before, and you didn’t know how to get out of it?
Have you ever wished you had more trust in yourself, and didn’t need to rely so much on advice from other people?
It’s been ten years now since I’ve set foot in a traditional academic institution. Yesterday I stood inside the walls of a venerable one right here in my own backyard.
And it struck me that there is A LOT of “advising” going on at the formative stages of a lot of smart people’s lives. A lot of people who are very curious, very bright, very capable, and very imaginative. But who just don’t know. So they ask. They seek advice.
I love blog posts that start with “How To…”. They are always so promising, and hold the anticipation of a wrapped present under the Christmas tree, or a package arriving on your doorstep after your recent online purchase.
“Oh I can’t wait to open this! And finally SEE what’s inside!”
And, just like Christmas, just like opening that package that you ordered online, there’s that moment of not knowing, the moment of unveiling, the moment where your expectation rises to greet the present moment unfolding.
When it’s unveiled, we deal with the match between our heart’s desire – the image of what we hoped to see in that opening – and the reality right before our eyes. Is it everything you imagined? Is it “perfect” (meaning, does it match your idea of what you wanted)?
Or is it a letdown? An unfulfilled promise? A shattered dream? Continued…
I recently noticed that I’ve been fighting against a lot lately. Fighting against complaining, fighting against frustration, fighting against fear.
How’s that been workin’ for me? Not so great.
Today I went on a hike and happened upon a field of daffodils…in February! Now isn’t that amazing?
I stopped to appreciate the surprise of unexpected beauty. And I realized that by sending out the energy of “fighting against”, I am actually becoming the very thing I wish to avoid or resist. Continued…
Maybe it was the flyer announcing my talk at Stanford Medical School in a few weeks (finally making it feel real…and making me feel proud of the creative thinking I’ve been doing on this subject).
Maybe it was seeing the pile of STUFF in my house, moved out of the Cradle of Manifestation, prompting me to revisit what’s really taking up the space in my drawers and closets.
Maybe it was the invitation to have dinner this Friday with a couple of doctors who have transitioned out of medicine themselves (making me feel one step closer to finding My People).
Maybe it was finally telling the truth out loud to myself and to a compassionate witness about what I feel in my heart (and experiencing the expansion that came with it).
Maybe it was all of the above.
Whatever it was, I finally know what I need to do, even though I have no idea how it’s going to play out or if anyone will even care. But I know enough to trust this particular feeling of knowing. It’s not a rational linear mind kind of knowing. It’s a whole body energy clearing kind of knowing.
I recently took a tour of Stillheart Institute, Woodside, California, where I’ll be a guest facilitator for the Whole Person Retreat on April 9, 2011. I’ll be joined by Eliska Meyers and Johanna Beyer, the co-hosts of this gathering of women. It will be focused on women sharing their wisdom & questions while nourishing their mind, body & soul.
Eliska and Johanna are heart-full, soul-connected, creative spirits who will be sharing their gifts of facilitation, guided inquiry, and ritual. I will be leading sound healing and music improvisation practices as part of our self-exploration throughout the day.
What: All-day retreat for women, led by Eliska Meyers, Johanna Beyer, and Lisa Chu. Personal exploration in a circle of women will include reflection, writing, verbal sharing, solitude and silence, as well as music improvisation and sound healing fun and play.
Cost: $150, including lunch.
Space is limited! To register, please e-mail Johanna Beyer of OnYourPath Consulting.
Who are you when there are no demands on you?
How will you be if everything is available to you?
Eliska is an organization development consultant and coach. She partners with leaders & work groups in designing a path of their choice in service of business strategy and growth. Eliska facilitates a big picture view enabling discovery and implementation towards a preferred future that honors collective wisdom, results and relevance.
Some of Eliska’s clients within the last 20 years include Hewlett-Packard, Agilent, Levi Strauss, the General Services Administration, Kaiser Permanente & Mercy Corps. She led The Conference Board’s research working group on Growing Talent for Succession & is Program Director for their Human Resources Executive & Diversity & Inclusion Leadership Councils. Eliska’s emphasis in her work is to coach leaders and groups in service of raising capability within complex systems.
Prior to starting her own company, Eliska was an internal organization consultant for Levi Strauss & Company. While there, she worked with the North American Finance and Customer Relations organizations to design and implement “quick start” approaches to new ways of working during a $700 million reengineering initiative.
Eliska holds a BS in Social Work, and an MS in Industrial/Organizational Psychology. She learned to be tough while being raised in New York City & compassion in her life as a San Francisco resident. Her two adult sons and husband of 30 years keep her grounded in communication. In addition to singing in the Glide Ensemble Gospel Choir & connecting with her Czech and Australian relatives, Eliska runs 19 miles a week, swims & practices Bikram yoga.
Johanna Beyer received her Bachelors Degree from UCLA and her Masters Degree in Organizational Development from California Institute Of Integral Studies. While working as a management consultant, she led hi- level teams within business to help them unearth their most innovative strategic thinking for long term success. Six years ago Johanna transitioned from her work with organizations to one on one coaching with individuals using many of the techniques that she applied to Fortune 500 companies. Since that time Johanna has been privileged to work with individuals to help them move past their fears so that they can make contact with the creativity and gifts that are inside. We all have dreams and talents within that are waiting to be acknowledged, released and acted on. By using different tools and processes, Johanna helps people to think about their inner values, purpose and vision.
It’s been just over a year now since I stepped with clarity into the next phase of my life by leaving a business I came to California to create, back in 2004. I’ve told the story so many times that it may seem like “old news” to some of you, but for me, that one decision was a *huge* step. It cleared the way for so much magic that has emerged – through effort and spontaneous creativity, guided by intention and enabled by practice – over the past year.
Last week I went through the embodied steps of letting go – moving all the physical items out of the Cradle of Manifestation after acknowledging that a 1,800-square-foot facility no longer matched the life I am creating. In the process, I’ve come face-to-face with so many of my deeply held beliefs and default patterns.
I believed that being a “responsible” person – a piece of my identity I held tightly as a symbol of my worthiness to occupy space on this planet – meant putting other people’s needs ahead of my own, no matter what the cost.
In my work, this was expressed as taking full responsibility for all outcomes associated with the people I was involved with – which translated into poor delegation, inability to trust other people’s skills and ways of doing things, and the result of preferring to do everything on my own, so it would be perfect. Ultimately, I experienced exhaustion and burnout as the destination on this path.
After I crossed the hurdle of actually setting a boundary, saying “no more” to my own business (which, at the time, was the only path I felt drawn to), and risking the disappointment of other people (which, at the time, was my greatest and most paralyzing fear), the same belief expressed itself as a firm resolve in my mind to continue paying rent on my office space simply because I had signed a lease, and that was that. An agreement was an agreement, with no room for discussion. I was a person who kept my word. But living by those old rules under the new circumstance of starting a business from scratch in a new industry translated to prioritizing my landlords’ needs over my own, which I did for an entire year. I dutifully and silently wrote each check and made sure it arrived before the first of every month. For an entire year.
I was silently proving to myself my own worth as a “responsible” person (daughter, girl), but in fact I was not honoring myself or my fledgling business fully. Continued…
Dr. Lisa Chu, M.D. - life coach, musician, writer, sound healing artist, & founder of The Music Within Us. My work is a tapestry being woven from the threads of my life’s journey. In this chapter of my life, I am influenced by my awakening to the rules that had governed my thoughts, actions, and [...]more →
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